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Dear Doc.

I've been arbitrating while being entangled in tight legal embrace with monstermegabank.

Send me some antibiotics ASAP.

Thanks.
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In all seriousness, here's my DV letter; (a good chunk of it from this site)

To whom it may concern;

Be advised that this is a refusal to pay, and a notice sent pursuant to the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, 15 USC 1692g Sec. 809 (b) that your claim is disputed and validation is requested.

This is NOT a request for “verification” or proof of my mailing address, but a request for VALIDATION made pursuant to the above named Title and Section. I respectfully request that your offices provide me with competent evidence that I have any legal obligation to pay you.

Please provide me with the following:

1.) What the money you claim I owe;
2.) Explain and show me how you calculated that amount; including copies all statements incurring the charges. Please produce the account and general ledger statement showing the full accounting of the alleged obligation that you are now attempting to collect.
3.) Please furnish a copy of the original promissory note redacting my social
security number to prevent identify theft and state under penalty of perjury that your client is the holder in due course of the promissory note and will produce the original for my own and a judge’s inspection should there be a trial to contest these matters.
4.) Please identify by name and address all persons, corporations, associations, or any other parties having an interest in legal proceedings regarding the alleged debt.
5.) Please verify under penalty of perjury, that as a debt collector, you have not purchased evidence of debt and are proceeding with collection activity in the name of the original maker of the note.
6.) Please verify under penalty of perjury that you know and understand that credit card contracts are a series of continuing offers to contract and as such are nontransferable.
7.) Please provide verification from the stated creditor that you are authorized to act for them.
8.) Please verify that you know and understand that contacting me again after
receipt of this notice without providing procedurally proper validation of the debt constitutes the use of interstate communications in a scheme of fraud by advancing a writing, which you know is false with the intention that others rely on the written communication to their detriment.
9.) Prove the Statute of Limitations has not expired on this account;
10.) Show me that you are licensed to collect in my state;
11.) Provide me with your license numbers and Registered Agent;
12.) Indicate whether this debt has been assigned or purchased by you;
13.) Provide copies of the purchase agreement or assignment in #12 between your firm and the original creditor.

THE WISCONSIN CONSUMER ACT, WISCONSIN STATUE, CHAPTER 422 & 425, ALSO ENTITLES ME TO ALL THIS INFORMATION BEFORE YOUR ORGANIZATION CAN HOLD ME LIABLE FOR AN ALLEGED CONSUMER DEBT IN WISCONSIN.

If the alleged agreement has any arbitration clause that waives your litigation rights over this alleged debt, we hereby invoke it.

All of these validation items are required to be provided at no charge.

At this time I will also inform you that if your offices have reported invalidated information to any of the 3 major Credit Bureau’s (Equifax, Experian or TransUnion) this action might constitute fraud under both Federal and State Laws. Due to this fact, if any negative mark is found on any of my credit reports by your company or the company that you represent I will not hesitate in bringing legal action against you for the following:

Violation of the Fair Credit Reporting Act
Violation of the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act
Defamation of Character
If your offices are able to provide the proper documentation as requested in the following Declaration, I will require at least 30 days to investigate this information and during such time all collection activity must cease and desist.

Also during this validation period, if any action is taken which could be considered detrimental to any of my credit reports, I will consult with my legal counsel for suit. This includes any listing any information to a credit reporting repository that could be inaccurate or invalidated or verifying an account as accurate when in fact there is no provided proof that it is.

If your offices fail to respond to this validation request within 30 days from the date of your receipt, all references to this account must be deleted and completely removed from my credit file and a copy of such deletion request shall be sent to me immediately.

I would also like to request, in writing, that no telephone contact be made by your offices to my home or to my place of employment. If your offices attempt telephone communication with me, including but not limited to computer generated calls and calls or correspondence sent to or with any third parties, it will be considered harassment and I will have no choice but to file suit. All future communications with me MUST be done in writing and sent to the address noted in this letter by USPS.

Our personal information has also been compromised by the State of WI and 3rd party fraud may have occurred on any alleged account you claim.

If you feel the FDCPA does not apply then read the following:

Please be advised that we dispute the claimed debt(s) described above.

Please provide any contract or agreement we signed and an account history showing how you arrived at the conclusion that we owe the amounts claimed and when this alleged debt(s) was charged off.

Furthermore, you are hereby requested, as required by the Uniform Commercial Code, to provide copies of assignments and other documents showing that you or your principal is in fact the assignee of the debt(s) described above and that you are legally authorized to attempt to collect the claimed debt(s) from us.

Unless and until such proof is furnished, we do not recognize any right on your part to attempt to collect any amount from us through any means whatever, including credit reporting. We refuse to pay any debt which has not been substantiated in the manner we request and direct you to cease further communications unless and until you can provide such substantiation.

Until all of the requested information is provided above, because I do not know who you are or what you are talking about,

I DISPUTE!

Thank you,